Comments on: Vulnerability and Shame

By: alysha

alysha — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 07:24:22 +0000

Your description about how you think with assessments and perfectionism sounds *so* much like what I do! If I get just one wrong that is a huge disaster to me. And I also sit there worrying about how to make it perfect, and put off starting because I think it wont be perfect.

Thanks for the tip about ACT and mindfulness, I shall look into those, sounds worthwhile! Likewise the book, I’ve been meaning to find a book on perfectionism but not keen on going through all the self helper books.

By: alysha

alysha — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 07:17:53 +0000

First born/only child, I’d guess that makes me more likely to have the perfectionist streak? Yeah, I recognise the ‘should’ pattern of thinking. Like you, I don’t often consider what I CAN do rather than what I think I should do. Leave room for huge amounts of guilt and feeling I could have done better. And thank you for the comments about my 84%! I’m trying to see that result more positively!

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 14:59:19 +0000

Perfectionism has crippled me many times during my degree. It got to the point that I stressed about assesment tasks so much that I couldn’t even start them, just freak out about the fact that I hadn’t started them which would then stress me more. It mostly came down to wanting the assignments to be perfect so that I didn’t disappoint my teachers. So lame. I also didn’t want to hand them in late and disappoint them. I couldn’t win.

Anyway, the anxiety got so bad I started seeing a psychologist. Best decision I ever made. Even though I’m a povvo student, I decided that I just had to suck it up and go, and the excercises she makes me do (which I am crap at doing) and the discussions we have are really beneficial. She uses a lot of Acceptance Committment Therapy (ACT), and mindfulness. A really good book that she recommended to me is The Happiness Trap. I hate self help books but this one actually seems intelligent.

By: 2paw

2paw — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 08:30:02 +0000

Are you a first-born?? I am am I have lots of guilt/shame thanks to the nuns and priests as well. I have learned that ‘should’ is not a good word for me. I have a pattern of thinking what I should be able to do, rather than accepting what I can do, especially as I am ill and can’t do most things now. I have to say that guilt/shame meant that I pretty much achieved all my ‘shoulds’ because I just HAD too. I have learned to be more accepting but I think it is just the way you (me) are wired. How I wish for all the German you forms, they make everything so much easier. 84% is pretty fabulous, so well done!! It is so much easier to praise and be kind to others than to yourself(myself)!!!

By: alysha

alysha — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 07:29:28 +0000

And yes, I am trying to ignore and allow my ‘raw’ writing style in this post, even though part of me wants to perfect it as much as possible. :/